Mistakes Have Been Made: an Example of Professional Writing

When talking about the rhetorical situation and professional writing, we need to consider style--that is, not the content of the message, but how that message is communicated. As I indicated in a previous post, recognizing the needs and values of readers is a crucial component to the rhetorical situation, and a great deal of the success (or failure) you might have when trying to connect with your readers hinges on the way you tell your readers something.


I read an article a while ago in the Oil City Derrick that I thought demonstrated beautifully how a writer tries to use style to control how a reader receives the message. (For those of you not from this area of Western Pennsylvania, the Oil City Derrick is the local newspaper from Oil City, PA.) I will simply write out the parts I want you to read. The article deals with the closing of a Hallmark store in the Clarion Mall. What was striking was the reprinted communication from Julie Brookings, the strategic communications manager for Hallmark Cards. Here are her written remarks, which she sent through email. I don't know offhand if these are her complete remarks, so there may be context that we're missing. As you read her remarks, I want you to take note not of the message itself, but how she communicates the message--the words, the phrasings, the sentence structures she uses. Remember, she's the strategic communications manager, so she's carefully constructing the message:


"As it has for most American businesses, the economic crisis and its resulting drop in consumer confidence creates challenges for Hallmark and for the network of specialty stores that represent the Hallmark brand.... Traffic at malls and strip centers has declined in recent months and retail sales have not been as strong as we normally expect.... Consideration is given to the potential transfer of employees to another corporate-owned store, but there are no open positions at this time. All affected employees who are able to remain through the store's closing will be provided severance.


While the difficult economy has posed problems for most retailers, including our stores, because of the enduring need our products meet--which is more relevant now more than ever, we are confident most Hallmark stores can weather the current economic situation and emerge as an even more relevant shopping choice for those who wish to connect and celebrate with others."

So there you have it. What are your thoughts and reactions to the way she communicates the message? While she can't make people happy about this decision, she can use words to minimize the damage and push readers towards accepting the message (which is different from liking it).